THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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