The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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