walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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