Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
