IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
