i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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