just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
