And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
