i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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