May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
