Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
