I cannot find my penis.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize