I'm going to jail i love you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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