I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
