I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
