i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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