Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
