I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
