After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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