Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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