rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
