I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
