Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
