Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
