My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
