i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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