It's Friday. Sex?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize