Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
