Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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