He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
