I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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