the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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