This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
