my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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