I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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