My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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