FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
