party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
