Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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