just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
