we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
