Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
