It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
