Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
