Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
