That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
