i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
