its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize