You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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