your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
