too bad you live with your parents still
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He better not be in your backpack
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
