some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
