You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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