I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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