I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
