I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
