I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
