my sisters under your porch take her home
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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