She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
