I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
