Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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