before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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