Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
