As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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