Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
