i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
