we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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